Trying to make up for lost time

In some kind of lame attempt to make up for all the lost blog time lately here's two pics that I took while up in London last week.

This is just something that I stumbled across on my way to Tafalgar Square (to sit next to the fountain and cool off). It was a homeless man's piece of chalk art with pavement for canvas. I was well impressed!



And this is an example of the performance art to be found in Convent Garden, which is probably my favourite part of London.

Were you one of them?

So fortunately I wasn't one of the masses that applied for a part in 'Lapdance Island', however I do believe that it's a rather unfortunate bit of luck that the whole thing has proven to be a farce.

Personally I think an island of attractive women, whose job is to take your mind off your work by rubbing their bits on your bits is a far better idea than faking a series of pilot programs to make people look stupid. But that's me. Male chauvinist extreme.

Were you one of them?

So fortunately I wasn't one of the masses that applied for a part in 'Lapdance Island', however I do believe that it is a rather unfortunate bit of luck that the whole thing has proven to be a farce.

Personally I think an island of attractive women, whose job is to take your mind off your work by rubbing their bits on your bits is a far better idea than faking a series of pilot programs to make people look stupid. But that's me. Male chauvinist extreme.

Call me, call me anytime

As incredulous as it may be I have my phone back again following it's 6 week hiatus with Sony-Ericsson. Everything appears to be in working order so hold thumbs that it works for longer than a month this time around.

The point of this post is that you can now call or txt me again on +44 7956432847. Use it. Don't use it. Whatever.

You asked for it

By request I have compiled 2 sets of 5 questions as a kind of informal interview. One set is for someone that I know relatively well I guess, the other is for a complete stranger. Some of the questions are trivial, other's I almost didn't ask because I thought they were too personal. In the end I just banged out what I thought would be interesting, finger up to the consequences. So here the are.

Questions for Acidman:

1) Who do you think would win in a fight to the death, Harry Potter or Frodo Baggins?

2) You've been involved in a serious long term relationship for a while now. One night you're out with your mates having a few pints and an attractive member of the opposite sex approaches you, makes all the right overtures and then offers you her mobile number. Do you take it? Would you have taken it surreptitiously if your partner had been there with you?

3) In your opinion have you ever been treated unjustly for racial reasons? If so, when was it?

4) What do you regard as the worst thing you've ever done to a friend?

5) What do you regard as more important in life: your job satisfaction or the size of your paycheck?

Questions for Stacey George:

1) Did you support the second war in Iraq? Do you think the motivation for it was to help the Iraqi people?

2) If there was one location in the world that you could choose to take a 'all expenses paid' vacation to where would it be and why?

3) You've been involved in a serious long term relationship for a while now. One night you're out with the girls having a few cocktails and an attractive member of the opposite sex approaches you, makes all the right overtures and then offers you his mobile number. Do you take it? Would you have taken it surreptitiously if your partner had been there with you?

4) "This picture, this memory, is the closest thing I have ever come to being content..." If that's true then what do you think you need now, in this moment, to bring back that contentment?

5) Do you think you're a good mother?

Away again

Ish. Seems like I'm chronically short of time to blog at the moment. Even to e-mail people that I know are getting pissed at me for not staying in contact.

I just got back from two days work (hell) away from home, worked today, and am now off to London tomorrow morning for another two days. Hell involved giving up my room for David Attenborough (sp??), a miilion things breaking, and a hotel full of cold water (along with attendant 8am 'Ian, we have a problem' phone call).

I have decided that my new job description is just 'to have all the answers', and if I don't have ALL the answers then to 'lie through my teeth until I actually do have ALL the answers'. But that's just me. Moan moan moan.

Will get around to writing questions for those of you who asked to be interviewed. Promise.

Night night.

Dashboard Confessional

Odd coincidence that I just got hold of Chris's new album too. From an Aussie chef I'm working with at the moment. I am about to make a rather illegal mp3 copy of it... until I can get my own original that is.

What's worse. The Aussie watched Dashboard play a suprise live gig to promote the new album in London on Friday. Somebody kill me please, that's the second time I've missed them over here now.

Loving the new electric sound too! Nice progression from the accoustic stuff.

That's all. Disjointed and bulletin like, I know.

Queue and Aye

I decided to take Adrian up on his offer of an interview, as much as I was mildly antsy about what he was going to ask me. Below are his questions and my answers.

You're in a relationship. You're out with the lads. You get lathered. You snog some random bird. Do you feel guilty? Do you tell your chick? Is it really cheating?
In my slighly strange opinion all the elements to this question depend on a number of variable factors. For instance, while I [assume I would] always feel guilty about snogging some unknown chick while I myself am involved in a relationship I think the degree of my guilt would depend on a) how long I've been involved with this person, and b) the duration of the snog. This has happened to me once before, but involved someone I knew really well as opposed to an unknown. To give some insight, I felt almost no guilt at the time as the relationship I was in wasn't particularly serious, I wasn't getting all to much 'action' from it anyway, and the snog was barely a few seconds long. Hence I didn't think it warranted me dropping myself in the shit for. I do still regard it as cheating though.

You're in a bar and some guy is starting shit with you. Eventually he pushed you to the ground. He's taunting you. Do you get up and lamp him in the nads. Or do you crawl away tail between your legs?
Ok, this is a good one. It's even made me think. See, I'm a lover not a fighter. I really couldn't be bothered to get into fights over pissy little comments made about me. They really mean nothing in the bigger picture. Having said all that though, I don't regard myself as an invertebrate either. I think if someone else made the first move on me then yeah, I'd happily serve up a swift kick to the nuts. That's never happened to me though, no one has ever actually hit me before. I think it's because most fights need two people who want to have a fight as opposed to one person who keeps trying to start it and one who just couldn't be bothered. However I'd always help my mates out in a sticky situation, although they're not fighters either.

Having said that there's also a train of thought along the lines of he who throws the first punch stands the best chance of winning (depending on how good your punch is).

Your chick asks you if you can do a threesome, but with an extra bloke. What's your answer?
"ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT!" I'm all up for threesomes with an extra woman... but the idea of another nut sack hanging around just scares me. Mine might touch his and that would be horrific *retch*. Thinking about it, I think the idea of two women is an excellent one, but would [probably] not do it with a steady girlfriend. I think it brings something into the relationship which doesn't need to be there, and which stands a good chance of upsetting a rather delicate balance. I know some friends who decided to try swinging once. She ended up leaving my mate for the bloke she swung with! What does that say about his performance in bed?

You're going to propose on one knee with a ring? Or are you one of those strange people who believes in buying the ring together?
No, I don't reckon so. I'd rather find something that I think is tasteful and timeless. Something uncomplicated, not too big, and without some great jewel hanging off either. I think rings are a symbol of something, and as such have an arbitrary relationship with love. Ie. A bigger diamond doesn't mean I love her more.

When last did you cry? Why? Did it help?
When: About 6 months ago.
Why: Watched a bus leave from Cape Town station. Didn't know what the bus leaving would mean in the long run.
Did it help?: No. But I didn't really expect it too either.

*added post publish*

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal or blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions

Brankstome Chine

Yeah, I think that was the name of the beach I went to in Poole yesterday. If not, well, it was something pretty close to that. I spent the whole day pretty much sleeping on the beach. It was great. So relaxing.

The thing that struck me the most about beaches here in the UK is that your average Brit does not really know what the hell the beach culture is. In fact they're so bad at it that it's like looking at a beach populated soley by 'Vaalie's' or 'Gauties' (depending on when you were born). They wear Speedoes, use blow up devices like rings and Dolphins (even blow up rowing boats!),SMOTHER themselves in sunblock till white from head to toe... and they dig holes! EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE! Yes Adrian, they dig holes. Just like you, you beach alien! So here's how it should be done:

No1: No Speedoes. Ever. And no underwear either (we can tell the difference). If you're a bloke then you wear board shorts at the beach. If you're a chick under the age of 35 then you wear a bikini (unless you REALLY can't pull it off). If you're a chick over the age of 35 then you should wear a full piece bathing costume (unless you REALLy can still pull off the bikini thing).

No2. Skimmer boards, bodyboards, surfboards, powerkites... all these where designed for the beach. Blow up rings, Dolphins, Killer Whales, etc... these where all designed for use in swimming pools. Please use them as such. Footnote: If you're under the age of 5 then arm bands are permitted at the beach as a life preservation device.

No3. Sunblock. It works just as well if you rub it in. And contrary to what appears to be common belief you don't need to use the whole damn bottle in one application.

No4. Never dig holes, it makes you look like you don't 'belong'. Sandpits are for holes. Beaches are for touch rugby, powerkiting, volleyball, beach bats, etc. Please note the difference.

If you're at any stage not sure where or not you're following accepted beach procedure just ask the nearest board-short-wearing, beach-bat-holding, person not completely covered in white sunblock.

In retrospect...

...that was a pretty queer-ish thing to write, wasn't it? The responses on all of the sites affiliated with this one did have me wetting myself though.

Choice clips from Tams comments page:

[Mon 11:11] warren (www) When will I update... hmmm... fuck knows. I kinda get a kick out of watching everyone get irritated by it. I'm accumulating some topics as we speak. Be patient little ones!

LOL Tam, "My Bromeliad had flowered!", I was wondering the exact same thing there for a second! Ian, I've heard the chicks there are ugly, but come on dude... don't give up so easily.

[Mon 11:20] Acidman (www) Colin Moss is gay... but not even he has Bromeliads...

[Mon 11:26] Acidman (www) ...infact... not even Keith Kirstin has Bromeliads...

[Mon 13:45] tripeak (www) (email)
You guys have me snorting my coffee! ... LOL !! This is just so funny.

[Tue 19:28] coda (www) OK Ian, in your defence and feeling all open-minded, I decided to google "bromeliad" to learn if this plant has anything to offer any normal heterosexual man living in the UK. Sadly mate, I can't find anything. So you're still on your own. ha ha.

And from her page itself:

"The good news. My Bromeliad had flowered!"

Ian, buddy, come back home for a wee bit! I'm really concerned about you darling! Am shocked into speechlessness, will continue this post at a later stage...

Really. When I mentioned that my flower had, well, flowered, I seriously didn't think that it would cause such a stir. I do still like the ladies. Really I do. Shut up. Just believe me.

There's no place like home

On Saturday night I was invited out to go for drinks with a Sarah and a friend at her place (the friends). It was supposed to be a mellow, chilled evening spent drinking Sangria, talking shit, and listening to music. It was just what I was in the mood for. Somwhere down the line though it got completely off track and ended up a night of aggression and violence. The girls' boyfriend got all 'befok' when someone mouthed off at him. So he mouthed off back. Then there was much swearing. Then he came inside and got a great bit metal bar. After that things went downhill at one cracking pace. One girl got punched in the face, another got hit with the metal bar, and the blokes all climbed into each other. Great. Welcome to Shaftesbury people! Do you want to know what I did while all this was kicking off? I was watching it from the upstairs window while I finished my pint of beer and started the next one. God, I just don't understand how some people think.

Anyways, just to keep the photoblog thing happening at the moment, here's a pic of me and me mum which I got my uncle to take while I was up in Notts with her.



I'm looking forward to seeing her again on the 20th when she comes to stay with me before she leaves to go home. Sue me me, I'm a mommy's boy.

Ok. I'm trying so hard right now not to moan about the weather. Really hard. BUT COME ON PEOPLE, IT'S 36 DEGREES OUTSIDE! WILL SOMEONE PUH' LEEEESE BRING BACK THE RAIN!

Do I go...

...to this? Let me know what you think.

News, good and bad

After a week or so of holiday, followed by a couple of days of work away from home, I am back. It's probably one of the longest stints of non-blogging that I've had in the last few months. Not for any particular reason really beside that I was busy and didn't find the time/or feel the urge to write anything. As is usual though, the longer I don't write anything for the more I have to say when I do write it. Makes sense really.

I got back from holiday to find a nice pile of bills under my door, to which I had to add the tax that my car needed to stay on the road. Fuck. University life was never like this. So anyways, I taxed my car, paid my quarterly telephone bill, paid my credit card.Then got wacked by a number of debit card payments that I made while away on holiday. Ouch. I went to the bank today to draw some cash only to find my balance is - £0.18 . Fucking great. That's officially the first time I've ever been into my overdraft. And all for a paltry 18p! And what really gets me going... I GET PAID TOMORROW! Couldn't the bastard Post Office wait one more day before they cashed my cheque?! Arg. I'm pretty mad about going into my overdraft! Anyways. It's done. I'll probably have to use my credit card tomorrow for whatever I decide to do, at least until my money clears and I have cash again. And I know that there's also still one more bill to go off my account in a few more days too! Grrrr. So that was the bad news.

The good news. My Bromeliad had flowered!



It's not quite earth shaking news but it does make my room look nice.

I also had a great day/night back at the Lamb and in the hotel. Nicked the best room for the night too! Ended up not getting much sleep thanks to a number of factors, which included the fact that it was like 35 degrees and I was sweating like a pedophile in a playground. Still, it was good.

I'm currently contemplating renegotiating the loan I took out for my car. Initially I chose to pay it off pretty much as soon as I could but that's proving to be pretty hard on the wallet. It's not that I'm not making the payments. It's just that when it's that time of the month I get cash cramps and end up in a pretty bad mood for the next few days. I might do that on Friday as I don't have many other plans for then.